God-In My View

This thought just came to my mind when I came out of my hostel and was going to leave for office and saw the vinayaga sculpture near the gate. Every day I see him there and as I see him my fingers automatically touches the forehead and then lips and then a line flashes in my mind that everything today should go fine for everybody... and when I think of it now very deeply it’s almost a recorded one and starts playing automatically when I see him.. (Even when I am running out of time, not in a good mood or whatever...).

I don’t know whether I am a theist or atheist… I don’t remember from when I know him or how I know him… Form the scratch of mind what I could remember is my mom making me to hold palm together and asked me to wish something I long for… but not materialistic not be self centered.. I couldn’t find anything to suit that words said by her… The line that could pop into my mind was this line… Everything today should go fine for everybody... couldn’t find anything more than that… As the year passed there were a lot of modifications in my wishes according to that age and situations...

Now when I analyze things that to whom I was making all these wishes… I realize that it was to me. I saw myself into him and wished something should come true… It was like asking me to do something to achieve something. I prayed to him in the morning that I should tackle some problem and the rest of the day I put myself inner and inner to do the same... In the evening i will just complaint or appreciate about myself and friends to him... Every day was like this… Just saying wishes to me that I could do and something that I could only wish... Complaining, arguing, discussing... and what more... Everything all to myself... Me to me conversation… Isn’t sounds funny… For me yes its sounds so... Even to engage in a conversation to into the inner side myself I needed someone else help... But I am happy. For people like me who find difficult to converse with ourselves... who don’t know to think complex things.. It’s really nice to be a theist (in the meaning of what I have understood theism)… It’s just like to be with myself…

The Way I Found Life

I am a person who always find difficult to find what I myself like. I was never the best in anything as far as I know so I could never found out what I like and what s the thing that I am good at. Only thing positive that I could find out in me is that I would not give up at any cost even if I come last in the race. I would just be happy for at least completing it. I just went on experimenting with my life in every point ( sometimes it went good, sometimes ok.. and many times I almost have to go inside the earth to hide myself..) . I would not say that I learned from these experience and never committed the wrong thing again. Nope and never. The thing is I always had a different thing to experiment with and never came across the same situation again and that my world the best. I did all the foolish things and mostly made all the shortcuts that made my life terrible in those times. I was a girl who tried very hard to even pass the monthly tests which I could make only often n that too with a lot of efforts. Since I was not good in studies doesn’t mean that I was surrounded by a group of friends and was rocking. No I was the worst in that too. There will be only a few persons in class who could even remember my name .I had only one or two friends on my side with whom I could share things and luckily I had them always in my side. I enjoyed life in all the way I could with them. Then came the end of school days and I was the same as ever. I couldn’t find out anything seriously of my liking. I joined a college out of no choice where I was to continue for the next three years. I was nearly dead. This was the only time in my life when I was felt alone (I was a hostelite).This was the only time with no friends n family members. Only thing I could think was my old happy days and this too went only for a short period. These were the days were I could analyze myself, of what I really liked and honestly this was the toughest thing I ever faced in my entire life. I was very happy for myself. And again I was back to life. It was then I could realize this is the life. Allways changing. Answer for everything lies inside you, so always peek inside yourself frequently and have a open heart to all who/what comes in your life.